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No, I’m sorry, Isabel can’t officiate your wedding. She will be on tour that week promoting her new book, In The Midst of Winter.
Isabel has gotten some whopper requests lately: Can Isabel be the judge at our state fair’s Ugliest Dog contest? Can Isabel be my maid of honor? Can she please tutor my child, who is a budding young writer? Would it be possible for Isabel to name my unborn baby and be present at her christening? Is there any way Isabel could attend our chili cook-off and pick the winner? Can Isabel judge our salsa dance contest?
While Isabel appreciates the requests, she must, unfortunately, decline them, since it would not be humanly possible to participate in even a fraction of the activities she is invited to attend. She is, after all, busy with her own life. For instance, she has to soak Dulce’s feet twice a day to ward off the infection that might set in from the foxtail infestation she was recently rid of.
And then there is Lola…
Who is Lola? She is Dulce’s BFF (best friend forever) and sister from another mother. Lola is shacking up at Isabel’s place for a few weeks and she needs a lot of attention, so best not to ask Isabel for any favors this week. Or next, or the one after that…
Plus, Isabel is newly in love—well, pretty newly in love. At the office we say she is GONE. Plain and simple, gone.
So, here is what I suggest. Maybe hold off on the queries for a while, let Isabel bask in her brief downtime before the tour starts up again, and cross your fingers for next year when the love will not be so new and the dogs have fewer needs.
Oh, wait! She will be writing her next book then—starting, as always, on January 8. The book is going to be a page-turner masterpiece, that I already know.
But, hey! I am available. Sample baby names: Chester, Hansel, Mirabel, Gladys, Rupert….And salsa? I could totally judge a salsa competition! Hmm, I am pretty sure I could anyway…